When I was born I was very sick. I was born here in Carbondale, Illinois at Memorial Hospital. The hospital had pronounced me dead. They pronounced me dead because i did not have enough air, they put me in the NICU, after I had to stay at the hospital for two to three days. I went home with my mother and then when I hit the age of three I was put into DCFS because my mom had neglected me . My mother just wasn’t ready to be a mom i gess.
One year after I was born my mother had my brother Joshua. He was born a month early. His birthday is August, 15th year 2000. My brother went to live with my dad. I ask myself today why my dad took my brother and not me, but now I see why, because he was struggling with a lot of health issues. My brother and dad lived in Benton, Illinois. My brother now lives in Terraho, Indiana with some of his friends from West Frankfort, Illinois.
Looking at it today I kind of understand because my mother is schizophrenic, PTSD which stands in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, she also has multiple personality disorder. I am diagnosed with some of the mental illnesses plus others. In my life today I struggle with these illnesses. I try not to let the one illness get to me but there are days that it does. That main illness gets to me everyday, but I have to learn to deal with the illness.
My dad never really proposed to my mother. My dad had told me before he past of cancer that I have two half brothers and one half sister. I really never knew that my dad was previously married, I didn’t find this out until my dad was on his deathbed. I was sixteen years old when my dad past, I was also living in the Pavillion in Champaign,Illinois it is a residential. It was a school day when I found this out, I was getting ready for the school day and the CEO Joey and my therapist Ashley Morgan had came to tell me, honestly I had a bad feeling that something had happened, but I didn’t know what had happened.
Now my grandparents Carol and Phillip Groff had raised me since I was a infant. I lived with them since I was sixteen months old. They took care of me my whole life until my grandpa past. It was July 25, 2010 at five in the morning. I was really close to my grandpa so I knew that something had happened to him because my dog Coco was protective of my family mainly my grandpa, because dogs can sense when someone is very sick. My dog Coco was weeping and licking on my face and Coco never really was a licker so it woke me up out of my sleep.
I had got out of my bed and tiptoed across the living room to go to my grandma’s and grandpa’s room. My grandma was crying so I had ask her is grandpa ok she cried more and that is when she said that he’s gone. When he died that morning he had a smile on his face so i knew that he was at peace. But I still remember the last word I said to him two days before he had past and it was “ I wish you were dead.” I still feel like it is my fault that he past. But the night before he had died, I can still hear him saying to me in my head is “I love you pumpkin pie.”
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